Where do I go?

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Where do I go?
When I’m feeling so lost and I don’t want to be found.
When I’m looking and listening for that peace in my heart.
But I know I’ll never hear that sound.
Where do I go?
Where do I go when I’m trying to laugh but all I can do I cry?
I’m trying to keep on living because I’m not ready to die.
Where do I go because the sun never seems to shine?
Can you give me my life back it’s not yours it’s mine?
How do I keep going, how do I fight this fight?
I’m tired of feeling beat down, but I’m trying with all my might!
Where do I go when my head hangs so low?
Please give me an answer because I just don’t know!
Where do I go?
Does it take very long?
For me to find that peace and a place where I belong.
I need you to help me, help me to take a stand.
I’m scared to do it by myself, will you please take my hand?
Where do I go? Where do I go? Where do I go?
Do you know?

Source: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/where-to-go-for-help

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The encounter

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Wow! you still look as adorable and innocent as you used to earlier.

I am delusional or was it true? You looked at me the same way that you did years ago, as if nothing has changed?
Each time I see you, I realize there is nobody else I would rather be with. I would choose you again, and again and yet again. If there is life after this, I would choose you there too.

You have no idea how you’ve changed my life. I used to feel so alone and afraid in this world. I didn’t believe I could find someone who could truly love me for who I am. I never thought that I could find that one person who can revive my faith in everything. And yet here you are, the pillar of strength that keeps me going, the light that guides me towards a better future. You can’t imagine how much of an impact you’ve made in my life.

What we had together was unique. It was a special bond that was strong and unbreakable.  I have this faith in me that someday I will have what I lost and you would be mine forever!!

 

 

 

Faint memories of my closest friend!

The word Nostalgia does not count…sometimes they walk with you…always..in your memory lane!

I met her when I was in high school…a cute looking girl, well what’s unique about that? It was the way she looked at me, as if she was telling me, I am the one you will fall deeply, madly in love with! My brain then said..“shut up! She is no special.”

But I was wrong! She instantly made me feel like, I knew her from long back, no show-off, no playing games, no tantrums. She was always herself,  as if her head and heart always told her the same thing!

From a ‘new girl’ at school to ‘my friend’ to ‘my best friend’ to ‘my lover’ to ‘my soul mate’, this journey was so special, so unique, so beautiful.

We fell apart several times in life, we broke up, we made up, we got engaged, we dreamed of a happy life..together!

But none of this happened, she is no longer mine, she is happily married!

 

I moved on with life to along with her memories, with just one hope..to be her friend once more sometime in life again!

Because she is way special then I had imagined…!

 

Memories of you…Ashu

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Taking in the joy of your eyes at my sight
Seeing your smile and watching it as it glows in the night
Waking everyday wanting to see you
Wanting to hold you and never let go
Hoping that when I open my eyes your all that it shows
Thinking that when our eyes take in each others sight
That you would want me as much I wanted you
Telling myself that when I’m gone you would think of me too
But my one mistake, left me to burn
My heart turned into ashes left to be blown
By the wind of your walk that left me to be torn!

Now all I have left are memories of you and I fail to understand what is it that still binds me to you? Why even after so many years I am still held back at the same moment of time?

You clearly moved on with your life, didn’t even tried to look back at me and here I am with faint hope each day that you will come back, you will come back to me!

I know I am the worst possible version of a friend who should be happy with your happiness but guess my love for you over powers it all and is beyond my control!

Memories

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Being truthful I accept the fact that we are no longer anything anymore. I miss you terribly at times and the amount of times I’ve spammed you because you ignore every message, made it worse.  You are the biggest regret in my life, not meeting you or loving you, but the fact I walked away from my soul mate. Each time I see you You drive me completely crazy, I feel like I have found my way home! You have invaded my head for a really long time. I understand what I let go, and I am so sorry for everything I did to you and put you through. You were and will always be my one.

You must be thinking how crazy I can be but you know after a point in life there is no turning back, there is no such thing as ‘Move on’. I  hear this is so often, but guess I can never make anyone understand I have learnt to live like this. I don’t need a companion because I have you. Yes, may be not in literal sense but you are always in my mind.

Remember we used to laugh at how movies are made, people doing crazy stuff in love? But know what, I have become one and now I realize love does make you strong, make you selfless, makes you better.

I don’t feel my life is any less than anyone just because  I don’t have a companion. What is companionship anyway, being together with someone and being happy at the same time. And honestly, I am both!

What if you lose your partner in the walk of life, even then will it become mandatory to have a companion. No then its a choice!

I can never forget that day, rains, and how we playfully got engaged. I still flaunt that ring and it keeps reminding me of you. In my heart, I believe I have lost you, and now I don’t want to erase your memory for some else. I don’t want to part with something that is mine, ‘your memories’.

 


 

Misconstrue

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Have you ever paid the price for one mistake all your life? Well, people say mistakes gives us the opportunity to live and grow all our life.

But how do I console my mind of having lost you. My mistake of letting you go once has made my life stop at that very moment! I keep visiting the same conversation again and again and every time I try to reason it with different words, with an unreal hope that it might change the time. As I sit here today writing this, million things are crossing my head; I just cannot begin to tell just how much you mean to me!

There is no point in writing this but till the end of my life I would only want to see you smiling, even though not with me. You are the best thing that ever happened to me and your memories are my treasure. Each one of them makes me a better person each day.

I live with the hope that someday, may be someday, I will see you again, just a glimpse of you, just a moment of your gaze, may be just may be that smile…that made me fall in love with you!